i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
