Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
