Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
