I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
