Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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