He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
BRING THE BAGELS
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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