he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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