ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
