people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
