Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The beer is more important than you right now.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
this hospital has no fireball
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
