Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just found puke in my bra..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
