I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
