I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
