he wants to bone in the snuggie
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
