How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
