I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
