I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
