just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
