I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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