i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
