i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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