thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i dont even know how to be here
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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