all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Threesome in a minivan. New low
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
