anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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