I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
