Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
