just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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