i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
