omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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