Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
