you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
