When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
