This girl is more easily done than said...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
