Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She told me I should be a condom model.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
