you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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