And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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