we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
