my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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