We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
