if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
