I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
