And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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