i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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