I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
