24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
