I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
