Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
