why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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