her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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