you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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